im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize