The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
