apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
