She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
