I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Less talking, more tequila
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
