yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
