I cannot find my penis.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
