um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
