I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
