new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
