just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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