totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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