Don't make out with my wife yet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
