so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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