Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
