I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
