Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
