I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
