I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
