You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
