Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
