you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
