We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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