nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
