does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
