Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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