I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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