I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
