Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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