..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
