but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
