just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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