I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
