i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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