I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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