I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
