just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
