I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
