I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
