whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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