Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
