Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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