I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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