just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
