Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
