hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
