one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
