Ketchup is God's man juice
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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