I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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