so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
