Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize