we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize