If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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