Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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