happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
