I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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