Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
