Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
