Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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