they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
