its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
