I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize