I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
