you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize