I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
