Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
