i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
