He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
