Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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(516): View more from New York

you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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(720): View more from Colorado

When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

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(540): View more from Virginia

just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.

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(813): View more from Florida

The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF

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