I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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