YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
