1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
