I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
