I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
