I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
