She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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