i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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