I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
