Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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