My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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