Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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