I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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