I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
