i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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