Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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