No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
