Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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