i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
