You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
