What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
