Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
