Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
