He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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