ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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