he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
BRING THE BAGELS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
