yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the day after is always just damage control
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
