Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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