I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
