dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
