he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
