I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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