I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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