why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
