I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
