I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
