Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize