I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
