I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
