You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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