:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
