Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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