You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
