oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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