I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
