I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
