I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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