My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
