Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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