"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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