I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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