I think my fart just growled at me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
