i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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