I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
