How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
