We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
