I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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