at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
third nipple confirmed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
