i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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