I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
